Tonight’s nugget is about just that: nuggets o’ love (a.k.a. “crumbs”) & how to say “no” to them while waiting for the whole-baked cake to come along. One might think the Urban Pixie is not the best one to pen such a piece, connoisseur of the crumb that she is. But her deep, deep love for the crumb is precisely what makes her so qualified to encourage quitting crumbs cold turkey.
Michael shall get most of the credit for the insights that follow in this post & many to come, I imagine. He’s my amazing therapist & quite frankly, the best man I know in New York (important disclaimer there for you, Dad, & Mark, dear b-i-l, you’re pretty great too).
Anyway, some of you who know me, remember that last crumb, the one granted most-favored crumb status, the once-in-a-lifetime crumb & yes, the crumb that still makes me cry when I think about how much I miss him. But you’ll also recall that I DID eventually pry open my little paws & let go of that most-beloved crumb. The shocking part is (gasp!) that the pain of separation from said quintessential crumb should have cured the Urban Pixie of any further crumb cravings FOREVER. Right?
Well, I am making major progress at least. I’ll admit I’ve been a wee bit dickstracted of late by a tasty crumb. But in my heart of hearts, I know I need to drop it & look on for my lobster. (The poet inside screams at the manic mixing of metaphors but the blogger types on…)
But, not crummin’ it is hard work & takes major discipline at times. It’s so darn difficult because, as we’ve already established, (thanks, Katherine), we’re all starving for love. I know, I know, some of us might be lucky (read: smart & evolved) enough to have held out for our soul-cakes & are now blissfully sated & smiling. To you I say, “Alright for some, love” a ‘la the Brits. & I mean it. I am really, really happy for you.
Anyway, what Michael & I worked on tonight was accessing the little girl inside of me who learned to love crumbs. Through talking to her & reassuring her, I can coax her out of her habit. All (?) I need to do, daily if need be, is remind her that while crumbs taste good, the whole cake will come along eventually. & here’s the kicker, that we can’t grab it when we’re already holding the crumb. I need to empathize that I know just how starving she is while at the same time remind her over & over again that I am here for her & her hunger. In other words, I gotta go right to the source to stop the begging.
So that’s my plan. Little Jenni & I shall walk empty hand-in-hand down the path, hearts full of love for each other, minds attuned to endless possibility & tasty-cake eyes wide open. If you see us, please do not feed the Urban Pixie & Little Jenni crumbs. We are likely to bite.
Sleep tight & know you are loved,
The Urban Pixie
P.S. TGIT (Thank God I’m therapized!)
P.P.S. Thanks, KZ, for the kick in the Pixie-pants today to write more & for the encouragement to let God go wherever I want.
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Let them eat CAKE, whole CAKES. Hey, sounds kind of like ho cakes. Well, ho’s got to eat too, you know!
I’m no expert on the universe or anything so feel free to delte my comments, but I think kids get the way the world works much better than adults. When JJ turned the corner and figured out that she gets so much more attention when she’s generous with herself, she demonstrates what I mean. As adults, we revert back to before that epiphany. We’re always chasing our own desires. We want attention, gratification, like a 2 or 3 year old. If we could all act like 6 year olds, and volunteer to do the dishes in the hope we’ll get a hug in return, or clean up the playroom just for a heartfelt “Thank You”, the people we surround ourselves with then automatically stop concentrating on themselves too. You can’t play tug-of-war when one side is giving….
I guess I’m saying that when I’m concentrating on what I don’t have, I tend not to give of what I do have. If we try to make everyone else happy, we’ll get stepped on once or twice but that would happen anyway. But think of the upside….
She’s one wise wee-woman as is her proud Papa. I’m taking that tug of war quote on the road!
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